I hope this is a safe space (on an email newsletter social media platform) where I can complain about the fact that I’ve been receiving too many emails. I mean, it’s a lot for one person to manage and I’ll hold my hands up and admit that I’ve accidentally digitally hoarded a lifetime’s worth of spam.
I’m inundated. I have emails coming out of my ears. I’ve hit peak email. I bet if I printed out every single message I’ve ever received I could make a physical paper mountain comprised of upcoming tent-pole moments (a fun marketing term for aligning with key dates in the cultural calendar), limited-time discounts that expire in 15 MINUTES or capsule announcements comprised of clothes I want, in an aesthetic I aspire to have but for a price I’m not willing to pay.
In total, there are over 100,000 (lifetime) emails in my Google inbox occupying 16.24GB of space online somewhere… possibly a server in Oregon (???) As a treat/reward, I spend the end of each day decluttering my inbox as if I’m sweeping the floor or making my bed. I do this in an attempt to rid myself of the round red notification bubble that haunts my desktop and phone. I tick the select all box at the top of the screen, highlight every message from the past 24 hours and click ‘marked as read’. Sure, pressing ‘delete’ instead of ‘marked as read’ would fix the core of this issue but what if I need an email? What if I need my flight booking confirmation from five years ago???
My total email hit count today, between my Gmail and my iCloud accounts, currently sits at 189. Out of that lump, I’ve opened a lucky three which caught my eye - one regarding the maintenance of the air conditioning/heating in my building, one announcing a collaboration between Akimbo and Cole Buxton (my favourite hoodie brand that I’ve been meaning to buy from, the former not the latter) and one from Dazed’s Weekly Echo Chamber written by Izzy Farmiloe (really good). The other less important messages are just a sea of clickbait regarding sales or things I just don’t have the energy to open.
Among all the strides people have taken to make our future lives more efficient (the email was invented in 1971 by Ray Tomlison, thank you, Ray) this has become one of my least favourite… alongside AI, vaping, Zoom and Hyrox. I acknowledge there’s an element of user error here (please mysterious website selling cool clothes, have my email, life story and star sign so I can unlock 10% off) but at the same time… there’s no way around it? Its become impossible to get through a website without a barrage of popups asking for your personal information. They make it all sound so simple, presenting you with two options: sign up and receive a discount that’ll finally convince you to buy that cashmere turtle neck you’ve been thinking about or click no, however, no has been replaced with a quippy line about not wanting to be involved in their reward scheme, or a sad face emoji or worse, the new lame “noidontwantadiscountbooooooo”. It’s a guilt trip data scrape, sign on the dotted line and your favourite brand will tell you every time a product you bought last March goes on sale.
In a recent desperate attempt to cleanse myself digitally, I used one of those unsubscribe-all-at-once websites where I gave a third-party platform access to my email account so I could finally break up with brands who’ve been heckling me with curated product launch emails forever. It involved more unticking and umming and ahhing about which brands had access to my inbox and which didn’t but I’m not entirely convinced it worked… in fact, I think I’ve been getting more emails than ever before…
The other week I received a letter in my (physical) mailbox in an unmarked envelope. The sheer thrill, combined with a bit of fear, was unmatched over such a tiny piece of post - did I have a mystery admirer? Had I forgotten something? Was I getting a new key? Alas, it turned out to be a Valentine’s message from my building, which I suppose answers the first question and the small parcel contained two chocolates, but still, exciting.
Comparatively, emails make me fall to my knees. The marketing message from COS to let me they saw me looking at something on their website finds me lying on the floor, tears rolling down my cheeks while Scott Street by Pheobe Bridgers plays from my laptop. The daily round-up from a reputable news outlet finds me running into the ocean. The 20% off LOOKFANTASTIC message finds me wishing I could go back in time to my youth so I could do the past twenty years differently. These aren’t messages I need to reply to, they’re rapid-fire emails so impersonal I don’t even try to open them. Sometimes they get my birthday wrong, but again, user error. Maybe when I was more naive, the carefully written subject matter of each marketing email would’ve caught me out, but now I’m so desensitised to every notification I don’t even try to engage.
So, what’s the solution? Is there a post-email world on the horizon? Is it time to put on my big girl pants and manually unsubscribe from everything? Perhaps brands can write me a letter when I place an order, or PayPal can slip a note in my mailbox reminding me I’ve made a purchase. Also don’t get me started on text message marketing.
In the same breath, I’m not sure I want anyone to write me a (physical) letter on a piece of paper torn from an A4 refill pad either, that just makes me think of the scene in Harry Potter where all the envelopes come flying through the front door of 4 Privet Drive… I could get on board with it if there was a way to prevent people from putting pizza flyers in my mailbox too but there’s no guarantee of that…
Maybe we’ve evolved too far and we need to go back a few paces, I don’t know, maybe I can turn my emails on and off again,
Until the next one,
Lory x